I had a horrible dream last night. It was scary because I felt like it all was happening to me, and it was based on historical events. It was the Holocaust.
My family and I had a guest staying with us, a woman named Margo. I believe she is supposed to be based on the woman who eventually gave out where Anne and her family were hiding. During my dream, she seemed to have the potential to be unstable. She started acting really irritated and nervous about the whole situation. I think I felt I had to placate her and make her feel part of the family by spending special time with her or else she'd give away that we were hiding from the government.
We had gathered some of our precious belongings in bags, and we decided the safest place to hide for now was in our house. We locked everything, pulled the blinds, rearranged things in the house so you couldn't see inside, and blocked every way space of free window. Then we bundled together in the living room and waited. More than once German soldiers surrounded our house or were marching around. I remember seeing two of their silhouettes through the front door window. One time they came storming in the house, but we were able to hide enough while (I think) my dad killed them.
The worse part about all this was the fear that I felt. A terror seized my heart like none I had ever experienced. I had to stay indoors all day, forget about college and the assignments I had to do. I had to be deathly quiet, no TV or loud conversations, because we didn't want the soldiers knowing anyone was home. Everything safe and familiar I had known was stripped away from me. Fear that we would be caught, fear that we would be separated from each other, fear that we would die. These fears were so strong that I could not relax. I was always on alert. My heart ached from the prickles of fear. The only time I felt it soften slightly was when we prayed over dinner. Knowing we were talking to a higher power took me away from the terror of that world.
The dream ended with all of us gathering what money we had and our possessions as we prepared to leave the house and make a run for it. The alarm abruptly ended it all. In the dream, I had thought, "It would help me feel calmer if I live every day like it was my last day to live," and I thoroughly believed it. Believing in it seemed to prepare me for a death that seemed sure to come. When I woke up from my dream, I thought, "God's grace gave me a second chance."
I can't tell you how relieved I was to find our it was all a dream, but I was still in shock. I tried to imagine how horrible life must have been for them, but I never felt it until now. The saddest part is there are people out there right now who are living with that fear. They fear persecution from their government, that they will be imprisoned or killed. Christian missionaries live in secret because governments may kill them and break up families. The people from the Boston marathon and Texas plant have already had the fear of losing lived ones become a reality. Be thankful we live in the country we do with all the glorious freedoms it has and pray for those who are still living my nightmare.
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